Child custody can be very tumultuous for everyone involved. When going through a divorce, both parents often have difficulty adjusting to life after the divorce. Everything is different, from the loss of companionship to their financial status.

However, the adults are not the only ones having to adjust. Post-divorce is also hard on your children, and very often, they find themselves in the middle of a child custody battle. Child custody does not have to be adversarial; there are ways to produce better outcomes, and here are a few.

Be Child-Focused
Your child is not responsible for what went wrong in your relationship. When emotions are high, it is easy to get distracted about what you should be concentrating on, which is your child.

During your child custody dispute, the focus should be on what your child needs and wants instead of your wants or needs. One way to do this is to consider decisions you are making from your child's point of view.

Take Your Children Out of the Middle
Unfortunately, many parents think that looking at things from their child's point of view means forcing their child to choose what side they are on. Children should never have to choose one parent over the other.

They should be allowed to love both equally without feeling disloyal to the other parent. Custody and living arrangements should be what are best for your child. Some of the things to take into consideration include:
Your child's age and preferences

• Your child's academic and extracurricular activities
• Your careers and social commitments
• Any necessary child care arrangements
• Can both of you meet your child's needs with reasonable accommodations, or would your work schedule or lifestyle create significant hurdles in providing the care your child needs? Honesty on both parts will go a long way to producing the best outcomes.
  
  Practice Effective Communicate Skills
  Effective communication is understanding the emotions and intentions behind the words used. Communication is a two-way street of not just conveying your message but listening to what the other person is saying.
  
  Unfortunately, this is not always an easy process, especially when emotions are high. You may say one thing, and your ex may hear another. Ineffective communication will lead to misunderstandings, frustrations, and future conflicts. Effective communication will require patience on both you and your ex's part.
  
  Effective communication is something that will probably require practice. Learning to and practicing effective communication skills will allow you to communicate better with your ex and with your children.
  
  Understand the Differences in Your Parenting Styles
  According to research performed by Diane Baumrind in the 1960s, there are four basic types of parenting styles. These are:
  Authoritarian or Disciplinarian
• Permissive or Indulgent
• Uninvolved or Neglectful
• Authoritative



Each of these styles is directly related to the different behaviors and qualities they produce, although each child's response can be different. Understanding the parenting style you and your ex participate in will help you understand how your custody decision will affect your child in the long run.

Remember the Golden Rule
Simply put, you need to remember to treat others as you would like to be treated in that situation. Remembering and abiding by the golden rule during your custody dispute means treating your ex with respect, kindness, and fairness. These three elements will produce the best outcome.

The Kanehl Law Firm P.L.L.C. attorney at Law will help you work out the best custody arrangement between you and your ex. Our extensive skills and knowledge can help you facilitate and record an agreement in your child's best interest. Give us a call today to get started.